After what feels like a really crappy week, and a quick reflection through my journal confirms my suspicions I haven’t been feeling so great over the last couple of days. A little bit like I am free falling down a big hole (not an experience I enjoy) and I just hope that the rope I am holding is tied securely at the top, so that I can climb back up again. Knowing that there is a huge different between the reality and expectation of recovery doesn’t actually help when you are back in the free fall for what feels like no apparent reason.
Anyway, yesterday morning when I did my regular Facey check as I wake up to face the day I was reading all about Nicole’s (The Builder’s Wife ) hectic day doing the Saturday morning sports juggle and it sounded as though The Builder himself also had a busy juggle too. I was actually exhausted reading about it. Though once upon a day that would have been my busy Saturday morning. In the now with no licence it means I get out of the juggle unless I want to sit in the car for the drive (that is until Rugby League season starts again.)
Though the family had left early for dancing and I had a delicious few hours to myself, although I was feeling really crappy I had planned to do some baking for friends who were coming over for dinner tonight before it got too hot. My main goal was to sit have a lovely chai latte put on my 1992 Big Day Out Playlist that I have created and knit a scarf I am trying to get done as a special surprise.
As I said this was my plan until I got up! Then I discovered that there were all these little cleaning jobs that needed doing. They were little things like putting away the ironing that had been waiting for the owners of the clothing to put in their wardrobes since it had been done. Put away the iron and ironing board. Give the floors a sweep and wash (remember folks visiting for dinner), clean up the kitchen to the standard that I wanted to be able to clean in, clean the bathroom, hang washing out etc. As I said they were all in reality little jobs that in themselves could have waited until I had done what I wanted to do. the problem with that is I am one of those people that can’t shut all those things out. The only way I could have would have to not know they needed doing in the first place. How are you at shutting out everything else and just doing what you want or need to do for self-care? I am useless, I get to it eventually the self-care that is but it is hard work for me to do that.
The only way I was going to be able to do the things I wanted and use them to help me unwind from a crappy few days was to get these things done. Which by the time I got them all done it was nearly lunchtime and I needed to rest. I was then starting to reassess if the baking even needed doing but again I had in my head that I wanted to make some homemade monte carlos with a homemade caramel filling as something different. I also wanted to make a butter cupcake with a light chai icing and some salted caramel drizzled over the top.
None of these things were particularly onerous for me but somewhere in there I also needed to get the chicken, leek, mushrooms and a dash of white wine into the slow cooker before our friends arrived! Thankfully I did manage to achieve everything I wanted to, I didn’t get my knitting done, and I didn’t get my chai latte but I did get my biscuits cooked, I did get my cupcakes made and I did get my chicken in and ready to add the avocado, philly cheese and sour cream* all made within a reasonable timeframe for dinner.
In the end we did have a nice dinner with friends using our amazing outside space/man cave space (we have a fridge, tv, huuuugggeee esky – because the fridge isn’t enough, a lounge and bbq all out there). We were even able to hook up the apple tv so that we could watch movies or netflix out there!
I am not sure how unwound I got but I do know that after dinner while the adults were chilling outside watching Spectre and the kids inside watching I am not sure what. I was kicking back on the lounge knitting away enjoying my biscuits, cupcake, cheese & crackers, grapes and a cup of tea. The Hubbies were enjoying some fancy, smancy bourbon and generally we relaxed.
It is really important to stop and even when things feel really awful and tough and too painful to want to be here that sometimes time with friends and family is sometimes the only medicine that helps.